If you’re the parent of a high school junior or senior, you may be all-too familiar with your teen’s icy stares or slammed bedroom door every time you say the word “college.” You may wonder why your son or daughter isn’t jumping up and down at the mere thought of what to you seems like a very exciting time in their life. Here’s why: Here’s why:
They’re exhausted. They’re confused. They’re scared. And here’s what they may be thinking: What if I don’t get in anywhere? What if I’m homesick? What if I hate college? Even “top” students may secretively harbor doubts about their readiness for college and worry about fitting into their new surroundings. They’re often embarrassed to share these feelings and are quite uncertain about what should be their next steps. When peers all seem to be on track for attending college immediately after senior year, they may wonder, “What’s wrong with me?” If you ask college admission officers, the vast majority will tell you that deferring college entry by a semester or a year can be beneficial, especially for kids who have spent the last three or four years racing toward the graduation finish line, loading up their schedules with multiple AP and honors-level courses and playing two or three sports, while perhaps also holding down a part-time job and helping out with family responsibilities. It’s not surprising that they’re burned out. Taking time “off” to either try something totally new or more deeply explore an emerging interest might include volunteering for a not-for-profit environmental organization; tutoring underserved young children at a school in another city or state; learning a new language via an in-country immersion program and so much more. Dozens of reputable options exist! And they don’t have to be expensive. But even if your student seems sure that he or she wants to take a gap year, it’s best to complete the college search and admission application processes by stated deadlines senior year. That way, they may either accept their place at a school to which they’ve been admitted or request a deferral from it. They might find it more difficult applying to colleges post gap year, especially if teachers and administrators—including potential recommenders—are no longer on staff. In any event, IECs can help your student navigate all that needs to be done prior to graduation day. Studies show that students who’ve taken a gap year tend to return from that experience as a more mature, self-confident, and independent individual. They’re typically now ready and eager to go to college because they’ve had time and space to develop a clearer understanding of who they are, what they want and value and, in turn, what they might like to study in college and why. As parents, we can coax our children out of their silent suffering if our discussions about college don’t revolve around our high expectations for them—no matter how well intentioned—and we stop talking, for example, about who’s applying where. And we can help ease their anxiety by emphasizing the fact that there’s more than one path to a happy, productive life. © 2023 Sandra M. Moore/Next Step CC, LLC – For more information, contact me at 845.242.8336
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